Since I’ m getting ready to get on a plane in 12 days, I lay awake most nights now thinking about packing and the easiest way to get through security at the airport. No, really….I do lose sleep over it. Airport security is one of the most stressful parts of flying to me(besides takeoff and landing) even though I know that it is very important for everyone’s safety. My pet peeve is being behind a person, or even worse…a whole family, who is not prepared and takes 5 times longer than it should to get through the check. I totally understand that there are people in this world who have never flown before but really….do your research before you fly!
So, here are a few things I think are important to know and be aware of before going through that dreaded airport security check:
- Pack your “liquids” before you get to the airport on the TOP area of your bag - I like to have my little quart size bag full of my 2ozcontainers packed on the very top of the inside of my bag so I can pull it out quickly to be put in the bin. Nobody enjoys waiting while you fumble through the bottemless pit you call your suitcase looking feverishly for your liquid items….be READY. Oh, and no…that 50 oz can of hairspray is NOT allowed….even if you paid $20 bucks for it.
- If possible, wear sandals or ”easy off” shoes - What I mean by “easy off” is a pair of shoes that won’t take extraneous amounts of time or energy to remove. Just slip them off and put them in the bin! Yes, Marilyn Manson, I’m talking to you. I personally remove my shoes while I’m waiting in line to have my ID checked. If you don’t like dirty airport floors…wear socks and stop your bitchin.
- Go visit a CoinStar before you arrive at the airport – I die a little bit each time I’m waiting in line behind the person who has $200 in pennies stashed away in his pockets. Really…what is the point of this? Does anyone even pay with cash anymore?
- Check your gynormous bag- I hate to break this to you but your 60″x72″ 50 lb bag will NOT fit in the overhead compartment nor under the seat in front of you. No matter how much you kick, stuff, push or shove it into the measuring tool – IT WILL NOT FIT. I know the airlines charge for checking bags nowadays but damn…you are going on a 10 night caribbean cruise full of caviar and bottles of Dom. Go crazy, splurge a little….spend the $25 and check your freakin bag.
- Dont touch other people’s bags – This one is important. I hate having my luggage go through before me. I’m always afraid someone is going to pick up the wrong bag and take my suff with them to China. So, please don’t touch my bag — if you are trying to be helpful, thank you but I can do it myself.
- Give me some space - This one makes me borderline violent. I have a bubble. That bubble forms around me in about a 2-3 foot radius. If you are standing in that vicinity I might just “happen” to punch you in the face — which, would get me detained and I wouldn’t make my flight. I really need a vacation so please….stand back, give me my space and don’t tempt me. I can stand on my own 2 feet just fine, I don’t need you to stand on them too and I promise you will get through the line just as fast.
I’m sure there are more annoying things that I have dealt with while in line for airport security but these are the things I stress about. I’m really not this much of a bitch BUT when it comes to travelling I can be. I’m already stressed enough about flying 35,000 feet in the air over an ocean, strapped into a 400 ton “machine” , with nowhere to escape while having to breathe in other people’s germs and body odor. Will someone just give me some wine I can wash this Xanax down with? Thank you.
What about travelling puts you on edge?