Ok. I must just say it. The workday rush hour does not carry the spirit of the holidays and that fact was ever so evident yesterday as I drove home from work. You know how you can just tell someone is a douche by the kind of car they drive and the way they drive it? I know I’m generalizing here but…c’mon, you know what I mean. Just take a lesson from Mr. Douchey Doucherton in his little sporty black Lexus whom I had the pleasure of encountering on the road last evening….
1. You know these lanes combine into one….because this road has been this way for at least a year now or more…but don’t….I mean DON’T by any means be polite and let anyone merge.
2. When the lady in the mom-mobile next to you patiently waits her turn to get into your lane with her signal on, glance over and give her a dirty look while quickly moving forward without letting her in.
3. Once on the highway, go extra slow while texting on your iPhone instead of paying attention to the cars in front of you. Stop short and almost rear end someone since you aren’t looking at the road.
4. When traffic gets heavy and a little slow…weave in and out of your lane…trying to see what is the hold up as if you are going to be able to intimidate the 100 cars in line ahead of you so that they drive faster.
5. Switch lanes repeatedly while speeding when traffic starts to clear up a bit and finally….
6. Give that nice lady in the mom-mobile another dirty look because after all of that….you are now at the exact same stoplight as she is…only she is ahead of you.
And that, my friends….is how to drive like a douche. Happy Holidays