A Most Embarrassing Adventure

As I sit here drinking coffee and watching a million-year old episode of CSI: Las Vegas, I thought it would be a good time to tell you about what happened on my first night in Omaha.  Talk about embarrassing!

After getting in around 10am, grabbing lunch and spending the rest of the afternoon at the office….my new boss and I decided to go out and have dinner.  Knowing that I like to play slot machines, we went to a casino right on the Iowa border.  We decided we would eat there and play a little.  Before leaving the hotel I came down with a migraine….which later on I realized it was because I was hungry…but I took a couple of Excedrins anyway and washed it down with a cup of coffee.

Once we got to the casino, both of us forgot about eating.  Now, I had just bought an electronic “cigarette” starter kit (which is just a vaporizer — I stopped smoking 10 months ago but still crave one every day) and I brought them with me.  Each little vial of flavored vapor liquid is 18mg of nicotine, which is equal to a pack of cigarettes.  In the 3 hours or so that we were there, I got a bit carried away and vaped a whole vial.  That….along with the Excedrin and coffee on an empty stomach was NOT a good mix.
I got a nice bonus round on a Monopoly Party Train penny slot and ended up losing ony $13 total of my allotted bankroll for this impromtu casino trip.  Shortly after I started to get hot flashes and feel really sick.  I literally sat outside in the 20 degree weather with no coat on and couldn’t even feel the cold.  I waited for my boss and when she came out we talked about getting something to eat finally.

At this point, I felt like I was going to hurl but I wasn’t about to let it fly in the car!  I was like…I got this, I got this…I’m ok…I’m ok…. but by the time we got about 10 minutes away I couldn’t hold it any more.  She pulled into a gas station and thank goodness I made it to the bathroom in time.  There went lunch and the diet coke I had at the casino.  Once I felt better I got some crackers (almost $4 at a gas station!  wtf?) and tried to hold back any more that might be making it’s way to the surface.

For a few minutes I really thought I would be ok and we talked about going somewhere to eat.  About 5 minutes later — yeah, nope…Vesuvius was erupting again.  I asked my boss to pull to the side and almost before she could stop the car I opened the door and let ‘er blow.  I think I might’ve even got some on the back of the car….it was windy.  Once back in the car I decided it was probably best that I just go back to the hotel.

When I got to my room it was a non-stop barf-fest to the point where there was really nothing left.  Laying in the bed not able to move or lift my head….my heart was pounding so fast I was having visions of what my family’s reactions would be when they were told I had a heart attack in Omaha, NE while on a business trip.  No joke…it was that freaky.  I slept a solid 9 hours that night and I don’t think I moved once.  Thank goodness I felt better in the morning but I think it was the first time in at least 13 years that I didn’t have a cup of coffee before heading into work.

Can you imagine?  My first business trip with my new boss at my new job and I was throwing up like a drunken girl gone wild on spring break.  Although, there was no “wild” or “spring break” involved and we were definitely not in Florida.  I hadn’t even had anything to drink! (alcohol-wise) I joked with her about it later…I told her I was a pathetic date and I’m sorry it probably felt like she was driving around with one of her children.

Leave it to me, I swear I couldn’t believe it happened.  I don’t even think my boss ate anything that night either because of me.  You definitely can’t take me anywhere!

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Muppet Monday!

As the holidays approach and life gets busier and busier, my posts might be reduced to just a few a week but I promise to try and make them good!

I found this video this morning that combines three of my favorite things — Thanksgiving, Food Network and the Muppets!

 

Muppet Monday: Baby It’s Cold Outside!

When I woke up this morning I was shocked at how cold it was outside.  Apparently we broke an all time record here in the Dallas Ft. Worth area when the temperature hit 39 degrees.  Last time it was that cold this early in the year was in the 1920’s.  To commemorate this, enjoy this little ditty sung by Miss Piggy while she shares the steam room with Russian Ballet dancer Rudolf Nuriev:

 

A Howlin’ Good Time…blah, blah blah!

Suit of Armor: Sir, sir, we have an urgent plumbing issue.
Dracula: Plumbing?
Suit of Armor: There is a clogged toilet in room 348.
Bigfoot: (makes sighing noise)
Dracula: It’s okay, we all get stomach aches, Mr. Bigfoot.

I have to tell you…this movie had me crying.  Crying from laughing so hard!  I successfully embarrassed my 14 year old, as I wiped tears from my face and he leaned over to tell me “I’m going to call daddy to come pick me up….oh my gawd….nobody else is laughing…please stop!”  I couldn’t stop…and I caught him chuckling a few times too.  When we left the theater my stomach hurt and my mascara was ruined.

I’m a fan of old monster movies and legends and this cartoon plays upon all of the typical stereotypes in a totally hilarious way.  There were some jokes that the kids didn’t get but the adults did.  Basically, Dracula’s wife met an untimely demise at the hands of humans when their daughter was a baby.  Dracula vows to protect her “forever” and builds the Hotel Transylvania: A place where monsters and ghouls of all kinds can enjoy themselves free from the dangers of humans.  Drac throws a party for his daughter a party for her 118th birthday and chaos ensues when a young man, backpacking through the woods, finds the hotel and falls for Drac’s (that’s what they call him – Drac) daughter.  She falls for him right back….will it ever work out between vamp and human??  Go watch it.  It’s not a Twilight movie……it’s soooo much better.

Adam Sandler plays Dracula (which you pick up on right away from the first scene when he’s singing his daughter Mavis, a song) and Selena Gomez does the voice of Mavis.  More stars join the cast, which I didn’t know until the credits but Dracula’s monster friends were voiced by the talents of Kevin James, Steve Buschemi, Ceelo Green, Molly Shannon and more. Adam Sandler’s daughter and wife even have a few lines here and there.

If you want to know which part brought on the tears…the scenes in which the monsters are playing bingo and the invisible man is playing charades.  I thought I was going to die….”glasses!…..glasses!”   This movie fit my sense of humor perfectly.  I’m definitely buying the blu-ray when it comes out.

 

Hotel Transylvania looks like a rockin’ fun place and I wouldn’t mind staying the night there!  I think Drac will want everyone to know however…..he doesn’t say “BLAH, BLAH BLAH” !!

How ‘Bout a Quickie?

Err…by quickie I mean short post today.  C’mon, get your minds out of the gutter!

My son had a football game last night.  They won 26 to 16.  You could tell by the time they scored their second touchdown the boys were feeling a little fire on their heels.  They really drove it home.  My son pulled a Blind Side and took some poor boy “to the bus” while the receiver ran the ball in for a touchdown.  I feel sorry for the smaller kids that he left in his dust (on the ground).  Not sure what he had for lunch yesterday but he was dropping them like flies.  It was a great game!

 

I haven’t been to the movies since before the Batman shooting but I’m going to face my fear tonight and go with the kiddos to see Hotel Transylvania.  I’m always up for a little tongue-in-cheek humor, especially when Halloween-themed characters are involved.  Maybe I’ll even post a review tomorrow….

 

So What, I’m a Walmart Shopper

I had to take my son to buy some jeans last night and since I needed a few other things as well (a lightbulb, toilet paper holder etc..) what better place to go than to Walmart — one stop shop.  I’m not ashamed to say it — yes, I shop at Walmart.  I shop there for bird food, rabbit food, rabbit litter, the occasional Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and ….clothes.

Does it really matter that I buy clothes at Walmart?  All jokes aside, Walmart clothes aren’t really that bad.  I still own and wear a pair of black dress slacks that I bought there back in 2005.  They haven’t fallen apart yet.  Beware the cotton shirts tho — one wash and they turn into magical shrinky dinks (remember those?).  My son found a nicely fitting pair of jeans for $15.00.  Sorry but this mom is on a budget and I just can’t afford to spend $80 on a pair of Abercrombies!  I promise, my son looks just as handsome in these.  I did try on a pair of women’s jeans however (on sale for $9) ….size 8 my ass….maybe on another planet but not here on earth.  Those were a no-go.

Best part about Walmart?  I go there in my sweat pants, hair up, no makeup and flip flops — I don’t get any strange looks…its as if that’s almost expected….for some reason, it feels like home.

not me, but I think I saw her last night

pic courtesy of http://www.peopleofwalmart.com

Muppet Monday: Cårven Der Pümpkîn

I’m a little late on this today but since we are entering my favorite time of year on this October 1st 2012…..I thought this video would be fitting.  If you’ve ever wondered the correct way to carve your pumpkin or make pumpkin pie, maybe the Sweedish chef can help you out a bit!