A Most Embarrassing Adventure

As I sit here drinking coffee and watching a million-year old episode of CSI: Las Vegas, I thought it would be a good time to tell you about what happened on my first night in Omaha.  Talk about embarrassing!

After getting in around 10am, grabbing lunch and spending the rest of the afternoon at the office….my new boss and I decided to go out and have dinner.  Knowing that I like to play slot machines, we went to a casino right on the Iowa border.  We decided we would eat there and play a little.  Before leaving the hotel I came down with a migraine….which later on I realized it was because I was hungry…but I took a couple of Excedrins anyway and washed it down with a cup of coffee.

Once we got to the casino, both of us forgot about eating.  Now, I had just bought an electronic “cigarette” starter kit (which is just a vaporizer — I stopped smoking 10 months ago but still crave one every day) and I brought them with me.  Each little vial of flavored vapor liquid is 18mg of nicotine, which is equal to a pack of cigarettes.  In the 3 hours or so that we were there, I got a bit carried away and vaped a whole vial.  That….along with the Excedrin and coffee on an empty stomach was NOT a good mix.
I got a nice bonus round on a Monopoly Party Train penny slot and ended up losing ony $13 total of my allotted bankroll for this impromtu casino trip.  Shortly after I started to get hot flashes and feel really sick.  I literally sat outside in the 20 degree weather with no coat on and couldn’t even feel the cold.  I waited for my boss and when she came out we talked about getting something to eat finally.

At this point, I felt like I was going to hurl but I wasn’t about to let it fly in the car!  I was like…I got this, I got this…I’m ok…I’m ok…. but by the time we got about 10 minutes away I couldn’t hold it any more.  She pulled into a gas station and thank goodness I made it to the bathroom in time.  There went lunch and the diet coke I had at the casino.  Once I felt better I got some crackers (almost $4 at a gas station!  wtf?) and tried to hold back any more that might be making it’s way to the surface.

For a few minutes I really thought I would be ok and we talked about going somewhere to eat.  About 5 minutes later — yeah, nope…Vesuvius was erupting again.  I asked my boss to pull to the side and almost before she could stop the car I opened the door and let ‘er blow.  I think I might’ve even got some on the back of the car….it was windy.  Once back in the car I decided it was probably best that I just go back to the hotel.

When I got to my room it was a non-stop barf-fest to the point where there was really nothing left.  Laying in the bed not able to move or lift my head….my heart was pounding so fast I was having visions of what my family’s reactions would be when they were told I had a heart attack in Omaha, NE while on a business trip.  No joke…it was that freaky.  I slept a solid 9 hours that night and I don’t think I moved once.  Thank goodness I felt better in the morning but I think it was the first time in at least 13 years that I didn’t have a cup of coffee before heading into work.

Can you imagine?  My first business trip with my new boss at my new job and I was throwing up like a drunken girl gone wild on spring break.  Although, there was no “wild” or “spring break” involved and we were definitely not in Florida.  I hadn’t even had anything to drink! (alcohol-wise) I joked with her about it later…I told her I was a pathetic date and I’m sorry it probably felt like she was driving around with one of her children.

Leave it to me, I swear I couldn’t believe it happened.  I don’t even think my boss ate anything that night either because of me.  You definitely can’t take me anywhere!

Straight Up, I Told Her

Good Thursday to you!  I was too busy to get a post out yesterday but I know that some of you have asked me to tell you my Paula Abdul story…..so, here goes.

This was about 5-6 years ago and I was working as an overnight manager of an airport hotel.  Around 1130pm I got this call and the caller said “This is Paula Abdul, my flight was cancelled and I need a room for the night”.  In my head I was like….yeah right…Paula Abdul…ha ha.  I asked her to repeat herself and she said it again, but this time she sounded agitated.  I told her ok and that we would get a room ready for her.  I asked what time she would be arriving, she told me around midnight.  I asked if she needed a pick up at the terminal but she stated that she had a driver.

So, I phoned some people and had one of the large suites prepared for her.  Midnight came and left…then her driver pulled up at near 230am.  I went to the front door to meet her and she came in with some blond, young girl who seemed to be her assistant.  The blond was carrying some stuff for Paula and she looked all disheveled.  Paula on the other hand wasn’t carrying a thing.  Let me say….Ms. Paula looked R-O-U-G-H.  She had hardly any makeup on and I could barely recognize her.  The first words out of my mouth were “Hi Paula…it’s nice to meet you… you…look…ugh..umm…tired.”  Immediately in my mind I heard Homer Simpson’s voice – DOH!

I didn’t really even get a response…she just said all snotty-like, “Where’s the bellman with my bags,  I want to go to my room”.  We will call the bellman “S”.  S was coming in with her bags and I just made eye contact with him and mouthed the words “please take her upstairs”.  He helped her upstairs and within a few minutes came back down and said that Paula wanted (uh, demanded) hot tea.  The eating outlets had all closed for the night so I went to the kitchen, found some tea and made it for her.  As I was on my way to the elevator with the tea, my coworker said that she had called down and said she didn’t want it anymore, she just wanted to go to bed.

About an hour later, it was time for S to deliver the morning newspapers.  I received a call from the service elevator landing from S and he said “You have to come up here right now, we have a situation.”   I went up to the floor in which Paula was staying and from the elevators you could hear screaming and cussing all the way down the hallway.  Now mind you, her room was at the very end of the hall…opposite the elevators and we could hear her.

What’s that Paula? You lost your medication?

S and I walked to her door and heard her saying “How dare you!  You are supposed to be my f*ing manager!”  “I hate you!  F you!” “I’ll f*ing fire you!” and all sorts of other colorful stuff.  She was crying and screaming at the same time.  At this point I’m wondering what has become of her poor assistant!

I had thought about knocking and asking her to be quiet for the sake of the other guests around her but I hadn’t received any complaints yet so I thought I should wait it out.  Eventually it quieted down up there.  Around 630am she called down to the belldesk and asked for S to come get her bags. It was time for S to go home for the day but she had asked that only he assist her in the morning, so he was waiting for her call.  He went upstairs and knocked on the door.  The assistant opened the door and when S said he was there to bring their bags down, Paula (who was half naked) ran by the door yelling “What is he doing?? I’m not ready yet!  Tell him to leave!” S was like “WTF??”  So….he left and came down to tell me what happened.  By this time S was pissed beyond words.  This crazy biatch had called to ask for help and then screams at him to leave when he gets up there.

She finally called again and said he could now come to get the bags.  S went up and then came down and loaded the bags into the hotel van.  Shortly after…here comes Paula off the elevator all freaking out saying “Where’s S?  Where’s S?  I need to go…I need to leave…where is he?”  Getting louder and louder and borderline crazy.  I told her to calm down and not worry…S was already waiting for her in the van with her bags.  I escorted her out to the van and said a prayer for S.

When he got back he told me that she was a total witch in the car.  He had some old classic rock radio station on and she demanded that he change the channel because she “didn’t like that music”.  I thought that was ridiculous because it literally was a 3-4 minute drive from the hotel to the terminal.  By the time all this was over, it was quitting time and we were left with this cool story to tell.

I don’t mean to start rumors or anything but I seriously think Paula was on something that night.  Her actions were too ridiculous to be “normal”.  I guess fame really does have it’s consequences!